P365: Cathi

A friend asked me a great question this Christmas: If I could design an ornament that represented 2012, what would it be? The image surfaced in my mind as clear as day. “An earthquake,” I replied. Seeing the puzzled look on his face I did my best to explain.

2012 was a year of unexpected shake-ups; 6 months of foreshocks and small tremors (some scary, others wonderful and exciting) leading up to “The Big One.” This quake took me completely by surprise and managed to displace… well, everything. I spent the next 6 months rebuilding, redefining, and re-imagining my life, albeit without much intention or direction. In all of my prayers for answers and epiphanies- something to help me make sense of it all- God’s voice continued to bring me back to three things- three things that were to mark the next season of my life; Know God, Become Myself, and Pray.

I was frustrated. I wanted more, something profound, some revelation that would be as earth shattering as the pain I was sitting in. But as I kept hearing the call to these three things, I realized that my resistance ran deep.

I was scared to come close to the God who had answered all of my prayers, given me everything my heart had ever desired, and allowed it all to fall away. I was even more scared to consider whether it was Him that took it away.

I was terrified to step into the fullness of myself, the self that is grounded in Jesus. How will I guard myself against failure, success, and disappointment without all the excuses conveniently found in my false-self? Prayer may not seem like a resistance-worthy task, but truthfully God asked me to pray for one particular person. And while there are days the prayers flow from the purest, most honest place in my heart, there are also days when I have defiantly relied on the groaning of the Holy Spirit to do the work for me.

The last 6 months, I reluctantly pursued these God-given tasks. It’s quite pathetic, really, to be given a calling from God and just tiptoe around it making excuses because it doesn’t seem extravagant, grand, or romantic enough. I felt stuck between my desire to follow and obey God and the resistance that burned inside me, keeping me from Him, myself, and ultimately, the healing I knew He had in store for me. Then Allison approached me about Project 365. I knew that I couldn’t commit to anything that didn’t fall under these 3 God-mandated categories. I also knew it was just what I needed to move at this calling with conviction and purpose.

Being that I am someone who hates (HATES) being confined, even by mechanisms of my own creation, I’ve set up my Project 365 to work for my spontaneous personality and need for variety and change.  For 365 days I am committed to:

Knowing God: There are a variety of ways that I connect with Jesus, the important thing for me is that I do it with intention every day. Time set aside to be with God, just me and Him.

Becoming Myself: There are a lot of lies I live in that keep me from stepping into the fullness of who God made me. Every day I will do at least one thing from a list (which I'll publish here soon) that is in line with the truth of who I am. I hope that in the year ahead, this list will evolve, as the truth starts to overtake the lies and I become aware of new facets of myself.

Pray: While I remain committed to praying for this one particular person, I’ve found in the last 6 months that praying intentionally for others has opened my heart in profound ways, giving me compassion and grace that I sometimes struggle to find. Perhaps my most “confining” commitment, I will send a prayer via mail to someone every day (combining my call to prayer and my obsessive love of beautiful stationary & notecards).

The truth is I’m sure 2013 will hold some more unexpected aftershocks and maybe even some new earthquakes, but I’m excited for this year. I’m excited to know God more intimately and trust Him more fully. I’m excited to explore my story, who I am and how God has uniquely shaped me to contribute to His Kingdom on earth. And I’m excited to be used by God to pray for the people He loves. I’m excited to enter other peoples’ stories, to share in their joy and pain and to learn what they know of God.  And I’m excited to share all of this with you, both at Our Project 365 and at All Things Grow. Please let us know if you decide to do a Project 365 of your own!