Cant Argue with That!

         So here's the thing, being vulnerable isn't just about what I say.  This is, believe it or not, getting easier.  Sharing where I'm at with others and letting them in isn't as difficult as it once was.  It isn't always easy, but it isn't something that I dread either.  What is difficult, and requires just as much vulnerability as pouring out my heart to someone, is allowing them to help me.

 Just writing that fills me with anxiety.  Seriously.

Here's how the story starts.  I left my wallet at home on Friday which means I didn't have lunch money.  Of course I didn't realize this until AFTER I ran around the office telling everyone to stop working because we were going to lunch now.  So when my friend and co-worker, Chris, walked by and I was still sitting at my desk he was suspicious. I finally confessed to him that I wasn't going because I had left all means of buying lunch at home.  And because he is a good friend, his response was no problem, I'll buy.  An offer that I graciously accepted and we all ate and were full and lived happily ever after.  The end.


Not even close.

That didn't happen because the truth is, I don't believe I deserve it.  Somewhere along the line I started to believe that I was not worthy of the trouble that needing help would be to other people.  Friends, this is something that I fight EVERY SINGLE DAY.
When my roommate asks if she can pick anything up for me from the store my first response is "nope"  Not because I don't need anything but because asking would cause her too much trouble, too much money, too much time.  And I'm not worth that.
When a co-worker asks if I need help w the load I'm carrying my response is "nope", she's got her own work to do, we are all busy.  And I'm not worth her time. 

So here is how the story ends.  Chris doesn't take no for an answer.  I keep saying no and squirm and decline and come up with excuses and am generally just really uncomfortable and don't leave my desk and think I'm going to win. Until he pulls out the big guns.
       "Project365 Draaaaaay. You have to be vulnerable."
I sit for a minute trying to process this new information and decide if he is right and if this really does fall under the definition of vulnerability and as I come to the conclusion that it does he smiles triumphantly and says,
       "Cant argue with that, can you?"

No, I cant argue with that.